There is only Do and Do Not
(transcribed and completed from a twitter rant)
There are just some kinds of encouragement that bother me a lot. Like, the whole “you are a wonderful person!” or “you can be anything!” Essentially they are the kinds that I feel either give unrealistic expectations or devalue your personal dilemmas and difficulties.
Like walking to the new office space with a couple coworkers, I was reminded how I am in better physical condition than most of my society. That sort of encouragement would see this as a positive. You’re doing great! Keep at it! Blah blah blah! And maybe that works for some. But it’s not a positive. Knowing that my coworkers consider an easy half-mile walk to be “a bit of a hike” is just sad and depressing.
(Not all of my coworkers, mind you. A couple are in much better physical condition than I am!)
On the same note, telling me that I am good the way I am does nothing for genuine and honest shortcomings that I want to fix. And telling me that I can do something I’ve struggled with for years if I try hard enough is demeaning and a low-self-esteem trigger.
Imagine, if you will, spending your whole life failing to overcome some flaw, while people keep telling you “you can do it if you try!” You try. You try as hard as you bloody can, and you get nowhere, and people keep being encouraging and you just want to scream at them I AM TRYING AS HARD AS I CAN, DAMMIT.
I hate it. I hate it when people encourage me that way, telling me I can do it if I just bloody try. Maybe I do try. Maybe I can’t do it. Maybe I really, honestly, genuinely cannot fix this thing. Being all positive and encouraging in that situation is not going to help a single thing. It is only going to hurt.
You wouldn’t tell someone born blind they can see if they try hard enough, would you? No, you wouldn’t. That would be mean.
It’s the same. Damn. Thing.
*pours you tea*
A-men, tell it, sister. Yes. All of those things. Well, most of them, at least.
Being in moderately good shape CAN be something to be proud of (hey, for me it’s a stepping stone).
True! I agree completely that it can be. But for me, it is a slide backwards.
Which touches on a whole different-standards-for-different-people thing that I don’t want to go into right now. >.>